Dan Vs IMP
by Jss2141
Summary: When a being of hatred meets a company of killers, hell will get a lot more chaotic when a crazy force collides with a crazy world. Crossover with Helluva Boss. I do not own either franchise.
1. A Jerk in Hell

**Crossover of an old favorite with a hot new series.**

**Hope you enjoy, fav, and review.**

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Dimension: Hell

Location: IMP City

A few days after a somewhat successful mission with the death of a child, the rowdy crew of IMP was currently in another meeting but this one was about their finesse in the field.

"Okay, people, we need ideas on to improve our teamwork! No is to blame but I think we can all agree that our execution needs work." Blitzo said as he stood in front of the conference table.

They heard a loud scream as someone descended from the sky and landed in their dumpster.

"What the fuck was that?!" Blitzo asked as he went to the window and see someone in the building dumpster and trash all round it.

"Did someone just land in our dumpster?" Millie asked as she and Moxxie went to the window while Loona stay at her chair on her phone.

"OW!" Yelled the man before climbing out of the dumpster, not noticing his appearance had changed before his fall.

When he was human, he had messy black hair, green eyes, a poorly shaven beard, a soul-patch, and round teeth. His everyday outfit consists of blue jeans, black ankle boots, and a black T-shirt that says 'JERK' in white letters. Now that he was in hell, he was covered in dark gray fur, had two feline ears on his head with one being ripped, and somewhat medium sized paw/hands. He also still had his soul patch as whiskers sprouted from his cheeks. He had been transformed into a cat demon as landed on his back when he hit the ground.

"Grrr! That damned ignorant driver, looking at his phone while I crossed the street." He said to himself as he pulled himself up and patted himself down. "Next time I see him, I'm gonna..."

He grumbled the the rest of his threat as he took a look at the building next to the dumpster and saw the sign.

"Immediate Murder Professionals?" he read before saying. "The fuck?"

The man scratched his head in confusion before finally noticed his arm was covered in dark gray fur.

"What the hell?!" he shouted before truly taking in his surroundings. "What the hell is going on?!"

As the man turned cat demon was freaking out, the employees of IMP were watching from their office window.

"Looks like he just died, given his reaction to everything." Moxxie said, watching the man freak out as he look at the sky yet still look angry as other demons stopped to stare at him.

"Should we help him?" Millie asked her boss, who rubbed his chin as he watched.

"Hmm, if he is new to hell, then he could be an instant client!" Blitzo said as he turned to Loona, who was still on her phone. "Loona, bring him in!"

The hellhound groaned as got up and made her way outside to bring in whatever demon her boss/adopted father wanted to come inside. When Loona got outside, she saw the newest demon was standing on the dumpster he fell in and holding a rusty crowbar in his hands to defend himself as other demons began to crowd him in interest.

"Back you cretains! Back I say!" he said he saw a few swings of the crowbar.

Loona rolled her eyes at this before deciding to get his attention, shoving her way through the crowd as she got to the dumpster.

"Hey! Asshole on the dumpster! My boss wants to talk to you, so if you want some answers, I recommend you follow me!" Loona yelled at him as she crossed her arms.

The catman turned to the voice shouting at him and saw it's owner was different compared to the other demons that crowded and walked by, she looked like a mangy punk goth dog.

"Who are you calling asshole, you flee bitten mutt?!" he shouted back as he jumped off the dumpster, the crowbar still in hand.

"What did you just call me!" Loona shouted in anger and she walked to his face, looking down to him as he was about as tall as Moxxie and Millie. "I don't know who you were when you were alive but you obliviously need a lesson in manners!"

"Alive?! I'm already alive stupid! And who are you to tell me about manners?!" the man shouted back in her face, point the crowbar in her face.

"If you haven't figured it out yet stupid, you're in hell!" Loona said as she growled in his face, yanking the crowbar from his hand and throwing aside to hit a sinful bystander. "And if you want anymore answers, you're gonna come with me now!"

Before the man could answer, Loona just grabbed him by the back of his shirt and began dragged him through the crowd toward I.M.P.

"Unhand me, you wench! I have rights!" the cat man complained, as he dug his heels in to the ground.

"You lost those when you died!" Loona screamed back as she dragged him into I.M.P., not knowing just how much chaos he would bring to this little, killing business.


	2. Meeting the Jerk

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Kicking the door open, Loona threw him into the lobby where everyone else was waiting.

"You mangy, lice ridden, rat! When I find out what's going on, I'm going to sue that skunk colored tail right off your ass!" the cat man said as he got up before noticing the other 3 demons looking at him in surprise. ""WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!"

The 3 jumped in shock at the sudden shout as his fur stood and his claws popped out a bit.

"Whoa! Angry guys, aren't you?" Blitzo said as he straightened his tie and step forward to him. "Please, calm down sir. If you just sit down and let us explain, everything will be clear."

"Calm down?! You want me to calm down after your attack dog dragged me in and treated me with such disrespect?!" he replied as he took a step forward.

"We'll have refreshments!" Blitzo added as he wrapped his arm around the catman's shoulders.

The cat demon glared at Blitzo for a moment before letting it go.

"Mmmm, fine. But they better be good or you sir, will have a pile of ash where this building is!" he said as Blitzo guided him to the meeting room.

Blitzo smiled at the threat as he patted his shoulder a bit.

"I think I'm gonna like you, sir." he said as the rest of IMP followed him inside the meeting room.

After calming the man down and refreshments were brought out thanks to Millie, the crew of IMP were able to explain the new cat demon's situation in about 20 minutes.

"Wait, so I'm dead and in Hell?! For real?!" He said as he almost did a spit take with the lemonade he was drinking. "This Heaven and Hell malarkey is true!?"

"Yeah. For real., it's all true." Blitzo said as the man suddenlt gained a look of anger.

The man screamed in anger as he jumped up from his seat and screamed to the sky with his fists in the air.

"STUUUPIIIDDD DRIVER!" He shouted as a kind of echo came after his voice.

Everyone watched in confusion as the man then turned back to them and demanded a few more answers.

"Alright, boss man! What am I, what do you do here judging from the sign outside, and how can I get back topside and murder that worthless driver!?" he asked in fury, slamming his fists on the table.

Blitzo cleared his throat as he stood up and prepared to quote his commercial for IMP.

"My name is Blitz, the O is silent and I am the founder of IMP. Are you a piece of shit, who got yourself sent to Hell? Or an innocent soul who got FUCKED over by someone else?! Luckily, thanks to our company's special access to the living world, we will handle people's unfinished business by taking out ANYONE who screwed them over when they were alive!" Blitzo said as the demon looked in interest while rubbing his chin.

"Hmm. Sounds like an opportunity but you haven't answered all my questions yet." he said as he crossed his arms.

"Well by the look of it, you seem to be a hell cat demon, judging by your ears, the fur, and claws." Moxxie said as he looked up and down at the man. "Do you by chance have paws in lack of your feet, Mr...?

"Dan, my name is Dan." he said as he look at his feet, seeing torn shoes and cat like paws in place of his feet. "Well, it looks like I won't need shoes anymore and yes I have paws instead of feet."

"Then you are a hell cat demon, and I believe our boss did tell you what we do." Blitzo said as he walked to Dan. "And if you need revenge on anyone, we are available to do it for you at a reasonable price."

"Ha! Look buddy, if you think you're going to get revenge for me, then you don't know who I am!" Dan said with a slight laugh before reaching into his pocket. "The only one who gets revenge for Dan is Dan!"

Finally finding what he was searching for, Dan pulled out a lighter from his pocket and ignited it to gaze at the flame.

"Now, make yourself useful and open a portal for me so I can go burn that driver and his house to the ground." Dan said as he turned to the IMP team, who stared at him in surprise.

The silence lingered for a few seconds before Blitzo gained a smile and asked a rather shocking question.

"How would you like a job here, Dan?"


	3. The New Job

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The sudden question caused everyone to look at him in shock as Blitzo had the biggest smile on his face.

"A job?! Sir, you can't be serious!" Moxxie shouted at his boss.

"You bet your baby wiener I'm serious, Moxxie!" Blitzo answered before turning back to Dan. "Just look at him, you can see the drive in his eyes! The lust for destruction, the hunger for blood on his hands! Who else would be perfect for our occupation?"

"But sir, he just died! Don't you think he should take time to come to terms with this instead of instantly thrusting him into the field!?" Moxxie tried to convey as Millie tried to calm him down from a panic attack.

"Look here, little devil!" Dan said as he got everyone's attention again." I have spent my entire life getting revenge countless times! Burning down more houses then I can count, broken countless laws and moral standards, and putting more people in the hospital or the grave then I bother to count! I even got revenge on a demon once, so if I can send one of you back to this place, then I can definitely handle killing one more soul! Now, are you going to open that portal or do I have to do it myself?!" He finished while waving the lighter around.

"Only if you accept the job!" Blitzo said as he grew more and more anxious to get this demon into his company, with his history of vengeance and possible skills he would make IMP that much more efficient!

"Alright fine! Whatever!" Dan said to them, he didn't really care either way.

If it could help him get revenge on the idiot who ran him over, then he would gladly take a job her and a paycheck would just be a bonus.

"Alright then, I'll just need you to sign on the dotted line and you will have the full IMP package." Blitzo said as he pulled a contract out and placed on the table. "Sick days, paycheck, access to the company assets, heck, I'll even provide an apartment for you since you probably don't have anything else."

Dan closed his lighter and walked over to the contract, reading it at a fast pace to find any hidden deals or loop holes. After reading the contract completely, Dan signed it with a provided pen before turning back to the IMP group.

"Now that this little matter is out of the way, can we go get that idiot driver that killed me?!" Dan screamed as he crushed the pen in his hand.

"Ugh, will you calm the fuck down?! You don't even know where the idiot is!" Loona said as she was getting annoyed by his constant yelling.

"Maybe not but I do know his car license plates! I was about to catch a glimpse of his front bumper before he hit me!" Dan said as he ripped a blank corner of the contract off and wrote it down. "All I have to do is get to a computer and trace it to the car. Then I can burn him, his car, and his house!" Dan finished as he slammed his fist into the table.

Blitzo smiled even more before he brought his employees into a group huddle to talk.

"I am REALLY like this guy!" Blitzo said with a smile, liking Dan's angry energy.

"I don't." Moxxie said as he was trying to be the common sense of the group.

"I don't know. He seems a little...unhinged." Millie said as she stared at Dan for a moment, who was getting impatient as he stared at their huddle.

"He just pisses me off." Loona mumbled with a growl, not liking Dan so far.

And not just because she as a hellhound and he was a cat demon, it was his attitude and anger that were getting on her nerves as well.

Getting antiquated wit his newest animal abilities, Dan was able to pick up on their conversation about him.

"Ha Ha! Sweetheart, you are just latest in a long list of people I've pissed off and honestly, you're not that impressive yourself." Dan said as he turned away from them, missing Loona breaking the huddle and try to lunge at him.

If it wasn't for Moxxie and Millie didn't hold her back, she would've killed him a second time.

"Alright, Dan, let's get down to business and get you your revenge! Free of charge!" Blitzo said as he went over to a cabinet and pulled out the spell book. "Now just stand back and let me open the portal!"

"You're the expert." Dan said as he turned back around and took a few steps back, waited for the portal but felt something in his rear.

Reaching inside his the back of pants, Dan pulled out a dark gray, poorly managed tail that went about to the back of his knees.

"Huh, I guess I have a tail now." he said as he looked down at his appendage.

"Great for you, asshole." Loona said as she, Moxxie, and Millie walked up next to Dan, not as mad as she was before. At least not enough to want to kill him right now.

"Can you go 5 minutes without making a snide remark, woman?!" Dan shouted at her, looking up at the taller hellhound demon.

"Can you go 5 minutes without yelling?!" she shouted back as she glared down at him.

"It's how I express myself!" Dan shouted again as Moxxie and Millie watched from the side.

"We're going to have to put up with this." Moxxie said with a sigh. "Guess it's part of the job, now."

"That's the spirit, honey!" Millie cheered as she patted his back. "And besides, I think it's cute. Like seeing an old married couple argue."

As Moxxie rose a brow to his wife, the portal opened against the wall and altered everyone to pay attention.

"Alright guys, portal's ready!" Blitzo said ad Dan stepped forward, showing the hellhound out of his way.

"Alright world, beware! Because Dan returns with a vengeance!" he said dramatically and full of power as he crouched like a cat before jumping through the portal. "Onward, troops!"

"My god, I love his energy! It's just what we need around here!" Blitzo said as he went through the portal, the rest of IMP dragging themselves behind before the portal fully closed.


	4. Finding the Driver

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Coming out of the portal and taking in his surroundings, Dan saw that the portal had brought them to the Hollywood area. His old home turf. They were in an alley and hidden from the public in the night. Creeping to the entrance of the alley, Dan gazed out to see if the coast is clear before catching the sight of an office building across the street.

"Alright, there's an office building just a head. All we need to do is break in and use a computer to find the jerk!" Dan told everyone as they all exited the portal.

"Excuse me, but you do not give us orders! We are your superiors and you are the newbie." Moxxie complained as he pointed to Dan, who turned to glare at him.

"Excuse me, but how many revenge schemes have you been on, sir?" Dan questioned as he held his hands on his hips.

"As many as the boss since this poor excuse of a company started." Moxxie said as he jerked a thumb to Blitzo.

"Hey!" Blitzo shouted in anger.

"Well you don't know how many I have done, so don't go bossing around until you can give me a number!" Dan said before turning back to the building. "Now, onto the building and be quick about it! Slowpokes will be left to fend for themselves!"

Dan then looked both left and right before running off to the building, leaving everyone to watch before they began to follow. After catching up with Dan, they saw him gazing at the door before suddenly kicking the glass out and open the door to walk inside.

"What happened to stealth?!" Moxxie suddenly yelled as they all filed in after Dan.

"Irreverent! Our goal is to use a computer and find that driver!" Dan said as he saw the receptionist desk and jumped over it, landing in the seat and typing at the computer. "Now, to find that license plate."

He pulled out the piece of paper with the numbers on it and began to search for it on the internet.

"Well, based on his performance so far, he going to make a wonderful addition to IMP." Blitzo said as he leaned on the front desk.

"I have to agree, sir!" Millie said as she was currently impressed with the level of determination Dan was showing to get his revenge.

If he could apply this to other jobs they would get in the future, IMP would be on the road to being a proper business.

"AH HA! Found you, you snake!" Dan said as he finished tracing the license plate numbers and got an address, a suburban home just a few miles out of the city. "Now, all we need is to hot wire a car and bring this man his reckoning!"

"Oh! Excellent use of 'reckoning.'" Blitzo said as he liked Dan's vocabulary.

Dan gave a quick nod to Blitzo as he printed the directions to the house, waiting for a few moments before snatching them out and jumping over the front desk again to run out of the office building.

"Does he ever get tired?" Moxie asked as they followed him, seeing him trying to pull a car door of a red hybrid that was on the street open.

"Come on, you stupid thing!" Dan shouted as he gripped it with his claws before getting an idea.

Pulling his claws away, Dan pointed on finger up and left the claw out before tracing it against the window in a circle.

"Is there a crime you haven't committed?" Loona commented with a bit of a surprised look as the group waited behind him.

"Not really but that's not important." Dan said as he finished the circle and poked it, letting the glass fall inside the car before reaching in and unlocking the doors. "Alright, everyone in!"

Dan took the driver's seat as Blitzo got in the passengers and Moxxie, Millie, and Loona got in the back seat. Pulling the side of the ignition open, Dan was able to hot wire the car into starting before he stomped on the gas before everyone could buckle up.

"Whoa!" Millie shout as she almost fell from her seat, stopping only when Moxxie helped pull her back up.

"Do you know how to drive properly?!" Moxxie asked as he helped his wife buckle up.

"Not important right now, we still need two important items before we can burn that driver's house down!" Dan shouted as he swerved around any cars on the late night road. "We need to get matches and lighter fluid before we burn a man and his possessions to ash!"

"Didn't you pull a lighter out not 10 minutes ago!?" Millie asked as Dan was speeding down the road.

"Yes but unfortunately, it doesn't have much fluid left!" Dan said as he dodged another car before drifting a turn.

Coming to a screeching stop, Dan had pulled them all to a gas station that was closed and the lights shut off.

"Blitzo, have you ever committed petty burglary before?" Dan asked as he unbuckled himself.

"Please! That's a common game for kids in hell." Blitzo said with a wave of his hand, unbuckling his seat belt.

"Good." Dan said as he turned back to the married couple and Hellhound. "Do you guys think you can watch the car while we do get supplies?"

"Really? It's not that hard." Loona said as she pulled out her phone and scrolled through it, getting pretty decent connect in the mortal world.

"We can watch it, Dan." Millie said with a smile, reminding Dan of his old partner in crime, Chris.

"Thank you, miss. At least someone has a good attitude doing this." Dan said as he and Blitzo exited the car, closing the doors as they went to work.

After heading to the back door, and shooting the handled off complementary of Blitzo, he and Dan made quick work of finding the lighter fluid and matches inside the dark gas station. Both of them had night vision so it was rather easy to find them but Dan also couldn't help grabbing about 2 bags worth snacks from the isles. If you're gonna work, you can't do it on an empty stomach. Once they returned to the car, Dan took a a stolen snack and tore off the wrapper before eating it in a hurry.

"Now, to revenge!" he said with a slightly full mouth as he pulled out the direction to his target's house and drove there.


	5. Burning Hot Vengeance

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After about 30 minutes of driving and a small argument of sharing his stolen snacks, they had arrived at the home of Dan's target. It was a nice two story home with a garage on its left side. Gray roof, beige paint and about 5 windows in view. His car was currently parked outside of the garage.

"Alright, let's get down to business." Dan said as he parked the car and turned to Blitzo, who held 5 canisters of lighter fluid and a few boxes packs of matches in his arms. "So here's the plan. Each of you to pick a corner of the house and cover it with as much fluid as these things have. While you're doing that, I'll be sneaking inside his house and spraying it all around before coming back out. Then, we all light a match in our target areas and burn the house inside and out! Any questions?"

"Um, just one." Moxxie said, raising his hand and brow at how effective that plan was. "Exactly how many houses have you burned? You seem a bit too knowledgeable about this."

"More than enough to consider it a hobby." Dan said as he and Blitzo handed out the lighter fluid and matches, each one of them getting one jug of fluid and one box of matches. "Now move, troops. Move!"

Dan opened and shut his door in a hurry before sliding across the hood and running to the door, using his new claws to try and pick the lock. Once inside, Dan saw a light in the kitchen and quietly snuck over to see the man who ran him over was cooking a pot of stew for his dinner. The man took a spoon full of his stew before taste testing it.

"Hmm, needs more paprika." he said as he went to his cupboard to get his spice.

"Enjoy the last taste of your stew, buddy because you're about to feel a real burning sensation." Dan said with a smirk before he quickly ran up to the second floor and began his work.

As he spraying the light fluid in at every thing he could see, everyone was outside and at their designated corners. Moxxie to the front left corner of the house, Millie took the back right corner, Loona took top corner of the garage, and Blitzo took the front corner. They each sprayed the lighter fluid on each corner as wide as they could to spread the fire when it was lit. When Dan was upstairs and made his way back down the steps, the man cooking in the kitchen was done with his stew, turned off the stove, and was about to make a bowl for his dinner until he caught the scent of something strange in the air.

"What that?" he asked himself as he put his bowl down and walking into his den to try and find the source.

As he came out, he was suddenly met with a face of lighter fluid that blinded him for a moment. He screamed at the sudden move before trying to rub his eyes clear, only to miss Dan slipping past him and spreading all over the kitchen before going back and spraying everything in sight. Once he was done and the fluid jug was finally empty, Dan threw it to the ground and pulled out his box of matches.

"Time to burn." he whispered as he took on out and quickly lit it, throwing it to the ground before rushing to the door to kick op and shut it in a hustle. "NOW!"

Once they heard Dan's scream, the other quickly took out their matches and set the corners of the house on fire. Dan laughed as he could hear the man's scream as his house burned inside and out before turning his attention to the man's car in the drive way. The other gathered in his position as he began walking to the car.

"Now onto his stupid car." Dan said as he pulled opened the hood and gazing at the oil cap. "Perfect."

Dan quickly unscrewed the oi cap and pulled out a new match, lighting the match with his finger before holding it over the oil entrance. He gained a smug smirk as he quickly dropped it inside before running away with everyone joining him.

"Run for it! My vengeance is complete!" he shouted as the car soon exploded, leaving the hijacked car behind.

After getting a good enough distance from the house and hiding in the bushes of a new house as the first burned, Dan and IMP watched as the houses was consumed in fire and the authorities arrived on the scene.

"Magnificent." Blitzo said as he watched the flames roar.

"Watching your first arson always is." Dan said as he leaned against a tree.

"I do have to admit, the light is beautiful." Millie said as she leaned against Moxxie.

Loona took a picture of the burning house and saved it to her pictures as she also agreed it was beautiful.

"Well, this was an interesting and eventful day." Moxxie said as he pulled his wife closer.

"Yeah it was." Blitzo said before he turned and asked, "So what so you think? Keep him on or what?"

"You're the boss and I already signed up. You can't get rid of me even if you tried." Dan said smugly as he crossed his arms at all of them.

"Well, I guess that solves it." Moxxie said with a sigh as he pinched his temple, not looking forward to another person who will do more harm than good for the company.

"Great." Loona said sarcastically as she looked at Dan, who still had the same smug look as he waved to her.

"Alright then team. Now that this is over who wants to go home and celebrate with some cake?!" Blitzo said as he held his arms out.

"Me!" Dan and Millie shouted as they raised their hands.

Moxxie and Loona said nothing as Blitzo quickly opened a portal back to hell so they can celebrate with cake.


	6. Dan's New Life

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Timeskip: 3 Weeks later.

Dan was sitting in a new yet just as crappy apartment as the one he had in his human life, watching whatever passed for TV. He was also thinking back to the job he had been doing from the moment he got to hell and found he was very good at it. Since he had a nack for claiming self-proclaimed vengeance, getting it for others was as easy as pie. But he was sort of starting to hate television, the thing he watched and cherished all the time back in life. Though it wasn't the normal programming and shows he watched, it was all the news reports from channel 666. Everyday it was the same blonde bitch yammering on with a fake ass smile and pretending to care while actually hating something. Dan could tell and he hated every minute of it, so much so that he had added her to a new listen of revenge he started when he got to hell. So far, he had also adjusted well to his life here, which was surprisingly no different than his old life but had a few upsides. He had a job he was great at, had no risk of being fired since it played well with his skills, and he felt he was slowly working towards getting a girlfriend in the form of his coworker, Loona. The very same Loona that hated him and he hated back but somehow they were able to work past that. They started out rough and got into fights most times, but there was definitely a connection between them.

"Meow." a sudden meow caught his attention as he turned to the side, seeing an old friend walk into the room and jump onto his lap.

Mr. Mumbles, the best animal friend Dan had. I bet your wondering how he got her back, huh? Well, after doing another job about a week ago, Dan decided to run off from the group and find his little cat friend. Life or death, things just didn't seem as good without the little kitty that made his home life less miserable and lonely. It took some time but he finally found her, still living in the same apartment he left behind in death. She looked starving and so sad, his death had greatly impacted her when she understood he never returned home, and when she saw him in his new demon state she tried to attack but was too weak. It was only until he got closer and she picked up on his scent, was Mr. Mumbles able to recognize him and was happier than she ever had. She allowed him to take her to hell with him and life for them sort of picked up where it was cut off.

"Hey there, Mr. Mumbles." Dan said as he petted the little cat, getting a purr from her as she laid on his lap before he looked at the watch on his wrist.

All in all, Dan's new life was good but at the same time, it was kinda confusing how it would work. He, a cat demon, owning a pet cat and trying to score a date with a hellhound? It was like he was fucking with the natural order of the world just to have a decent. But when has life ever been decent or natural, especially with Dan's life? On earth and in hell. At least in hell he had a job, speaking of which, it was almost time to head to work as the clock on the cable box showed 8:30 am and IMP is scheduled to open at 9 am.

"Well, better get to work." Dan said as he got up from his couch, petting Mr. Mumbles a bit as she hopped on his shoulder, before heading to work.

Since moral standards were different in hell, no one cared if Dan brought his cat to work, or the fact that he brought her with him back to hell during one of IMP's kill missions. But it did help Dan keep and eye on her as they got in a slightly better car that his original one. Dan buckled his seat beat before turning to his cat.

"Safety first, Mr. Mumbles." Dan said as he buckled her up like she was a normal person.

"Meow." she replied as Dan started the car and drove to IMP.


	7. The Boss Returns

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The drive was rather calm, compared to most days as Dan drives up to IMP and parked in the back of the building. He did this to make sure he car didn't get jacked, it might've only been slightly better than his car in his human life but it was still good enough to not want to get stolen. Getting Mr. Mumbles out of the car and placing her on his shoulder, Dan made his way inside and was meet with the standard sight of Loona at her reception desk. Gazing up from her magazine, Loona saw her newest co-worker had arrived with his cat on his shoulder as usual.

"Hey." Loona said with a small smile, somewhat happy to see her on/off friend.

"Hey." Dan said with a finger gun, ignoring Mr. Mumbles hiss at Loona.

She might've been in hell but her instincts were earthbound and her instincts were telling her to hate Loona, not just for her species but for getting to close with her 'father' Dan. The others of IMP were watching from the side as Dan walked in.

"So, any calls today?" Dan asked as he leaned on the desk, trying to be smooth and score a date with the hellhound.

"Nothing yet that requires your "skills" of vengeance." she quirkly replied as she placed her magazine on the desk.

"Well in that case, if we're still not busy then, how about at lunch you join me for a burger? I know a nice place just down street." Dan suavely said as Mr. Mumbles still hissed at Loona, jumping from Dan's shoulder to stand on Loona's desk. "Stop it, Mr. Mumbles." he scolded, breaking his suave approach to Loona.

"Eh, it's fine. She's a cat, I'm a dog. It's natural for her to hate me, it's in her instincts." Loona said as she moved a finger to Mr. Mumbles, moving it back a bit when she tried to scratch it.

"I'm sure she just needs to get to know you. Mr. Mumbles is a lot smarter than you think." Dan said as he gave his cat an ear scratch.

This caused Mr. Mumbles to pur and flip over for a belly scratch. An adorable moment that was soon interrupted when phone on Loona's desk rang, singling a potential client calling.

"Hello, IMP." Loona said in the same uncaring voice, listening to the demon on the line talk into the phone.

Loona lazily listened the demons request before she straighten up for some reason, donning a rather shocked look on her face.

"Uh, okay. I'll tell the boss." Loona said before she hung up the phone.

"What's up? You seem tense." Dan commented as everyone else gathered around the desk.

"Alright, Loona. Who was the client and who do they want dead?" Blitzo asked, getting straight to the point.

"Um, the person they want dead, is already dead." Loona said as she returned to her normal self.

"Really? Who?" Moxxie asked in surprise, never getting a request to kill someone whose already dead.

"Dan." Loon answered as she jerked her thumb to her surprised co-worker.

"Me?!" Dan asked as he pointed to himself, surprised that someone still wanted him dead even after he already died.

"Why would someone target Dan? Don't they know he's already dead?" Millie asked as she put a finger on her lip.

"Apparently not. The client said that Dan ruined her business and burned her with holy water." Loona said as she gave a brief detail at what the client said.

"Oh! I remember her now! My old telemarketing boss, I found out she was a demon and turned on her with a recipe for homemade holy water I found online." Dan said as he retold a bit of his revenge quest against his old telemarketing boss. "Good times, good times."

"There's a recipe for homemade holy water?" Moxxie asked, surprised and a little scared.

"Yep, and I still remember it!" Dan said as he pointed to his head.

"Well if you're dead and she doesn't know, how do we break it to her?" Blitzo said as he rubbed his chin. "If what you did is true and if she finds out you're working here, it could complicate things."

"I don't know, just tell her you threw me into traffic or something. It's not my problem!" Dan said as he crossed his arms.

"Hmm, lying does sound easy enough. And it does sound good enough to satisfy her order." Blitzo said as he took his hand from his chin.

"But won't the client require evidence, sir?" Moxxie suggested as he crossed his arms.

"Just give her the remains of my shoe, it should still be in the conference room trash can." Dan said as he saw Mr. Mumbles lick her paw, smiling at her cuteness.

"Awe!" Millie let out as let out as she saw it too and moved towards the cat.

Ever since Dan had brought Mr. Mumbles back to her, Millie felt like she was falling in love with Moxxie all over again. The little kitten had brought a new light in the their business the day Dan brought her to hell and it brightened her day and made her even more positive than she was before.

"You are just the cutest thing!" she said as she lifted Mr. Mumbles to her face.

"Meow." Mr. Mumbles let out before she rubbed her head against Millie's cheek, purring in enjoyment of her affection.

Millie proceeded to hold Mr. Mumbles like a baby while Moxxie went to check if Dan's torn shoe was still in the meeting room and after a few minutes of searching, he found it. And by Heaven and Hell did it STINK!

"Here is is." Moxxie said as he held it from a distance, staying away from the smell of it and holding his nose.

"Urgh! When was the last time you washed your feet?" Loona said as she covered her sensitive canine nose.

"Eh, about a 2 weeks before I was ran over." Dan said as walked over and took his shoe, not phased by the smell. "Now, all we have to do is wait an hour or two before mailing this as proof to the woman and get paid. Simple."

"You just earned yourself a raise." Blitzo said while his nose was still plugged.

"Can we at least put it in something? The smell is burning my eyes." Moxxie said as his eyes began to water.

"Yeah." Millie added as she took a step back from the smell, still holding Mr. Mumbles.

Dan scoff to them as he handed the shoe back to Moxxie, who started tearing up even more before he held it back once more.

"Pansies. Just find a box or something." Dan said as he waved them off as Millie set Mr. Mumbles back on Loona's desk.

As Blitzo, Moxxie, and Millie went to find an odor enclosed box for Dan's shoe, Dan himself turned back towards Loona as she unpinched her nose.

"So, about that burger at lunch, still interested?" Dan asked as he put the suave back on, leaning on Loona's desk a bit.

"Hmmm." Loona thought about with a growing smirk. "If you're paying, then sure. Burgers sound good." she said as she looked Dan in the eyes.

"Then it's a date." Dan said with a victorious smile on his face, mental high-fiving himself as he finally scored a date with this punk hellhound.


	8. The Drop Off

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After finally finding a box that could hold the stench of Dan's old shoe, the group of IMP decided to split up as their current tasks called for, Blitzo, Moxxie, and Millie had decided to take the married couple's car (a black version of Chris's car) and deliver the fake news of Dan's death along with box Dan's old shoe to his former demon boss, who was running a new, more successful business right here in IMP City. Cheap real estate, good for a busy woman to make her mark quickly. The other half of IMP, at Blitzo's request/order, was Dan, Loona, and Mr. Mumbles going to the hell burger joint not as a date anymore but as lunch for everyone. If there was a definition for cock blocking, this would be it. Moving on, the first group was driving through IMP city on the way to the demon boss' new business and avoiding all the raging traffic around them. Moxxie was behind the wheel, Blitzo was in the passenger seat, and Millie was in the back holding the sealed package holding Dan's old shoe.

"Are we really going to do this? Lying to a potential client could have very bad precautions in the future." Moxxie said as he drove towards their destination, having Blitzo direct him as they looked up the directions before leaving.

"It'll be fine, Moxxie! As long as Dan doesn't run into her again, it'll be fine." Blitzo said with a wave of the hand. "What are chances they'll rub into each other again?"

"Pretty high if she hires us again to kill someone, for real next time." Moxxie said as they saw the building in the distance.

"We're almost there, thank goodness." Millie said as she was getting queasy from the shoe, it's smell slightly getting out of the box.

The office building Dan's old boss ran was exactly like the one she had when she was on Earth but had two more floors. They offered the exact same service, telemarketing and subscription renewal reminders, except this time she could send it to all over hell. Entering the building, the IMP trio was meet with an entire floor of demons in cubicles calling other demons about their subscriptions as the boss demon was standing outside her office to observes her employees progress. She was a succubus demon with red skin covered in markings, black lips with fangs poking out, shoulder length, messy light brown hair, enlarged pale eyes, tattered wings, goats' feet and horns. Her clothing was a grey suit blazer over a knee-length pencil dress.

"Oh, it's you!" she said as she saw the IMP group arrive, flying over to them and landing. "Is it done? Did you kill Dan?"

"All done and we figured you'd want evidence from how angry our secretary told us you were over the phone, so we brought proof!" Blitzo said as he nodded to Millie, who brought forth the box with Dan's torn shoe inside.

The boss succubus lifted the lid up to look inside, seeing the dirty and torn shoe before gaining a whiff of it's smell. She immediately shut the box before coughing to away and taking deep breathes.

"OH! That smell! It's definitely Dan's boot!" she said as she coughed a bit more, taking the box from to burn later.

"And now that you have been given proof of death, shall we discuss the payment for our service, miss?" Blitzo asked as Millie stepped to stand next to Moxxie.

"I already have it covered, Mr. Blitz." She said as she set the box down and pulled out a check from her blazer pocket to present to Blitzo. "This should more then cover the payment for your service, considering how dangerous and deranged your target was."

Taking the check in hand and gazing at it with Moxxie and Millie seeing it from either shoulder, the trio smiled brightly at the amount given to them as Blitzo pulled his head back up to him.

"Thank you very much ma'a! And we hope when you need someone killed, you'll call IMP to do the killing!" Blitzo said as he put the check in his coat pocket. "And remember, as our commercial says, kids die for free!"

Though the female demon was surprised by his reaction, she assumed it was just natural since Dan was known to be a tricky human and killing him must've taken quite a bit of planning.

"You're welcome Mr. Blitzo. Now if you don't mind, I have a business to run." she said as she quickly burned the box with Dan's shoe and turned back to her employees, seeing a worker demon not doing his job. "Hey, no slacking! Get back to work!"

As she flew back to her office, the IMP trio took this as the time to exit and return to their office to wait for Dan, Loona and Mr. Mumbles to return with their burger orders.


	9. Sinful Burgers

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Meanwhile back with Dan and Loona, the two were currently driving towards the burger place at a leisurely speed and enjoying each the current radio station they were listening too. The drive was only about 10 minutes but with the current traffic, it turned to about 30 minutes as Dan and Loona waited behind a truck at a stop light.

"Stupid Blitzo. Making us get lunch for everyone when it was just suppose to be us." Dan mumbled as he was at the wheel and Loona was in the passenger seat while Mr. Mumbles was laying on her lap.

She still didn't like that she had to lay on Loona's lap but she didn't want sit in the back by hersel. So Mr. Mumbles mad a chose and tried her best not to claw at Loona while Dan was driving the car.

"Look, we may not like it but we can't change it. So let's just get the food and head back. Besides, it gives us a chance to talk." Loona suggested as she looked towards Dan, giving him a small smile as the light changed to green. "So, exactly how did you get a boner for revenge anyway?"

"You know, I am glad you asked. I remember it like it was yesterday." Dan said with a refreshing sigh before telling the hellhound about his first revenge plot, in his youth as a young camper at Camp Atrocious.

As the story went on, the drive seemed to be less tedious than it was the first time as Loona paid close attention to his story, find it funny, crazy, and a little sad as she heard the event that set Dan on the path he follows now. It's unchangeable but if it meant that the guy she was falling for became someone even slightly different, Loona wouldn't change it. The duo and a pet came up to the burger place as the neon sign shined on the windshield.

"Sinful Burgers, no meat is too sinful." the sign said as Dan pulled into the drive through.

""No meat is too sinful?" What does that mean?" Loona asked Dan as they were behind two other cars in the drive through.

"Oh, that means that they use any and every meat thinkable. When I first came here, I went inside and saw their menu, I was surprise by how many animals they serve." Dan said as he put his elbow on his open window. "They've got beef, fish, chicken, giraffe, ox, bull, even whale and dolphin! It's like they've got the entire animal kingdom up there!"

"Really? I'm surprised this place doesn't have more customers." Loona said with a surprised look on her face.

"I know, especially their roadrunner!" Dan said with a smile as the drive through line moved forward. "Mmm. You've never truly loved eating a bird until you've tried roadrunner."

"When did you have roadrunner?" Loona asked as Mr. Mumbles meowed at him, known that the roadrunner was a bird and wanted to eat it.

"I had it when I wanted revenge on Mexico once, I'll tell you about it later." Dan said as they were finally next for the drive through speaker.

"Hello, welcome Sinful Burgers, where our motto is no meat is sacred. Can I take you order?" the speaker said as Dan thought about it for a moment.

"Hmm, give me a minute." Dan said as he looked a the menu for before looking to Loona. "You want anything specific?"

"I think I'll try this roadrunner burger you put in my head." Loona said as she licked her lips. "Sounds good."

"Oh! Then you are in for a treat. You and everyone at work." Dan said with a smile as he turned back to the speaker. "I'll take 5 roadrunner burgers with 5 sides of large fries, 1 fish sandwich without mayo-"

"Meow." Mr. Mumbles suddenly said as Dan turned to her.

"What was that?" Dan asked his pet/friend.

"Meow." she said again as Dan nodded to her.

"Got it." Dan said with a nod as he turned back to the speaker. "Make that fish sandwich with extra mayo. And give us 5 beers."

"Alright sir, I have 5 roadrunner combos, 1 fish sandwich with extra mayo and 5 beers. Would you like any else, sir?" the clerk asked.

"Yeah, you can get us a hand full of ketchup packets. And fair warning, I just ONE of these burgers has cheese on them, you will come to work tomorrow to see this building as a smoldering pile of rubble!" Dan shouted into the speaker before a honk from behind drew his attention.

"Move it, jackass! I'm hungry!" a male bull demon demon shouted from his car, honking his horn again.

"Oh yeah? How about a knuckle sandwich, buddy?! Dan shouted back as he waved his fist at the demon.

"HA! I wanted a big meal, not a kiddy meal!" the bull demon sarcastically shouted as Dan grew angrier.

"Was that a cat joke?!" Dan questioned as his hand started to smoke before bursting into flames.

"Dan!?" Loon suddenly shouted at the sight of Dan's flaming fist.

"What?!" Dan shouted as he turned back to Loona, who pointed at his fist.

"You set your hand on fire!" she said as Mr. Mumbles wasn't afraid of the fire but amazed by it's light.

"What?!" Dan questioned as he looked at his hand, quickly shaking it to put out the flame before it went back to normal, slightly smoking. "How-"

"Um, sir? Are you still there?" the speaker clerk asked to Dan. "Your total is $23.49, please drive forward to the window to pay and pick up your order."

"How the hell did my fist catch on fire?" Dan asked as he drove his car forwards, ignoring the hooking jackass behind him.

"Maybe it an ability of your's? Certain demons have them if their sin or sinful behavior was big enough." Loona suggested as Mr. Mumbles meowed in agreement.

"I guess that makes sense. A bit on the nose, though." Dan said as he pulled up to the window, seeing a 5 eyes blue skin demon wearing a cap with the lets S.B. on it and watching them pull up.

"Hello, sir. Your order was 5 roadrunner combos, 1 fish sandwich with extra mayo, and 6 beers?" he asked as he held up a large bag of food with S.B. on it in one hand and a six pack of beers in the other.

"Yeah, that's us. And there's no cheese on these burgers, right?" Dan asked as he took the bag and handed it to Loona.

"No cheese, sir." he said as he handed the beers to Dan before holding out his hand. "And that'll be $23.49, sir."

"Yeah, yeah. I remember." Dan said as he put the beers in his lap, pulling out his wallet and pulled out the money owed.

Dan's wallet was finally full of money compared to his life as a human, since IMP's line of work was perfect for him.

"Thank you, sir. Have a sinful day!" the clerk said as he took the money and closed the drive through window.

Dan closed his car window as he drove back to IMP, silently wondering about the new fire power he had.

'Eh, I'll think about it after lunch.' Dan thought as he saw Loona's lick her lips are the smell of the food, the smell of roadrunner working it's after before she knew it. 'Just wait until you taste it, Loona. Just wait until you taste it.'


	10. Lunch Time and Story Time

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After the drive back to IMP and the smell of roadrunner burgers now left in Dan's car, the trio responsible for lunch exited the car and entered the IMP building with Loona still carrying the Sinful Burgers bag with their lunch and Dan holding the 6 pack of beers while Mr. Mumbles was on his shoulder.

"Finally, I can sink my teeth in this roadrunner burger!" she said as they headed to the break room and sat on the couch, relaxing as she opened the bag.

"Oh yes. I can honestly say that road runner is now one of my top 3 favorite meats." Dan said as he sat down next to Loona, Mr. Mumbles jumping off his shoulder to the cushion on his right side.

"Really? What are you other two?" Loona asked as she passed Dan his roadrunner burger, fries, and the fish sandwich with extra mayo for Mr. Mumbles.

"Beef and bologna, only the finest." Dan said as he took his food and Mr. Mumbles' fish sandwich.

"Hahaha, why am I not surprised?" Loona asked as she unwrapped her burger.

As Loona took a bite out of her roadrunner burger, Dan turned to Mr. Mumbles with her burger and unwrapping it for her.

"Here you go, Mr. Mumbles. Bon appetite." Dan said as he placed it in front of her.

"Meow." she meowed before walking to the burger and eating it.

"Oh god, this is so good!" Loona said with a moan of satisfaction while chewing the burger. "I never knew roadrunner could taste so good!"

"Told ya. Pass the ketchup." Dan said as he took a beer from the 6 pack.

"Sure, pass me a beer while you're at it." Loona said as she reached into the bag and handed Dan some packets of ketchup in exchange for a beer, which was generously exchanged. "Now, I remember you saying you'd tell me about you little adventure for revenge against New Mexico that lead you to this delicious bird?"

"Yeah, I remembered, just give me a second to eat before I tell you." Dan said as he opened some ketchup packets and sauced his burger while putting a little on his fries.

The werecat, hellhound, and little kitten at in relative silence, enjoying their food and the silent atmosphere between them as Loona sneakily moved closer to Dan, enjoying his company much more than everyone else in IMP. Speaking of everyone else, they had just arrived back at IMP and caught the whiff of hot fast food in the air.

"Hey, what's that smell?" Millie asked as they followed it.

"My guess it's probably Dan and Loona returning before us with lunch." Moxxie said as they entered the break room and saw the duo entering in silence on the couch. "Called it!"

"Dan, Loona! Good to see you're back with lunch!" Blitzo said as he, Moxxie, and Millie walked up to the them.

Dan and Loona internally groaned at the ruined moment of silence before Dan answered his boss.

"Hey boss man. How'd the drop off go?" Dan asked as he opened his beer and took a few sips from it.

"It went smoothly and we got paid big bucks!" Blitzo said with a smile, patting his coat pocket that had the cheek inside before picking up the bag with lunch in it. "So, what'd you get everyone?"

"I got everyone roadrunner burgers with large fries from the new place down the street, Sinful Burgers. Also some beer to go with them." Dan said as took another bite of his burger.

"Roadrunner burgers?" Moxxie asked as Blitzo took out his burger and fries before handing the bag to him. "I know this is Hell but roadrunner burgers?"

"Oh trust me, that place had way crazier meat then roadrunner." Dan said with a smirk as Mr. Mumbles meowed in agreement.

"But beer? During the work hours?" Millie asked as she stood next to Moxxie, reaching in for their food.

"Oh lighten up, geez. And these burgers are amazing! This bird is some tasty stuff!" Loona said as she took an eager bite out of her's with some fires popped in as well.

"Really? It's that good?" Moxxie asked as he discarded the now empty bag.

"Taste it and see for yourself." Dan said as he took another bite of his burger.

The 3 imps stared at the burgers with curiosity before they shrugged and finally took a bite out of them. They were not disappointed.

"Oh man, this is good!" Blitzo said as he took another bite.

"Unbelivable, I never thought roadrunner would taste good." Moxxie said as Millie nodded in agreement.

"Like I said, these burgers are great!" Loona said as she took a sip of her beer before turning to Dan. "So, are gonna tell me know or what?"

"Tell you what?" Blitzo asked as he, Millie, and Moxie sat down at a table with 3 chairs.

"Oh just a little story about my revenge against New Mexico, that how I found out roadrunner taste so good." Dan said as Mr. Mumbles meowed in agreement.

"Oooh! I have always wanted to know about your past revenges! Go on, tell us!" Millie said with a excitement.

"I also wanna here more about your adventures. The way you can get vengeance with little planning or supplies makes a little jealous." Blitzo admitted.

"It's all in the way you look at things, Blitzo. Where you see a normal truck, I can see about 3 ways to incorporate it into my vengeance." Dan said as he set his unfinished burger down. "Now, my revenge against New Mexico began like this."

As they began to hear the story, they sort of felt underwhelmed at the beginning but as it progress, it got better with some rather interesting parts. Like a man getting the shit knocked out of him by a bus, New Mexico's dark history with Lucifer, and a satanic cult's annual sacrifice for a hot air balloon festival every fifth year. All in all, it not only impressed them with Dan's determination to see a revenge plot through but it showed them how creative and lucky he can be during them.

"How are you so lucky to have a liquid hydrogen truck pull up at exactly when you need it?!" Moxxie asked with a full mouth of roadrunner burger. "The odds should've been astronomical for it to pull up at that exact moment!"

"My friend, for me, the odds are always in my favor. Even if it doesn't seem like it at the moment." Dan bragged as he leaned back, finishing his burger with a victorious smile on his face. "And don't get me started on that flying saucer I co-piloted to blow stuff up around New Mexico."

"Okay, now I'm calling bull. There is no such thing as flying saucers." Loona said as she crossed her arms. "I can believe the guy getting hit by a bus, Lucifer's connection to New Mexico, and even a cult for a hot air balloon festival, but a flying saucer is where I call bullshit!"

"Madam, you are a hellhound working for an assassin company along side 3 imps in Hell. Does that sound like bullshit?" Dan asked her.

Loona opened her mouth to reply but couldn't as she thought about it while comparing it to how a normal human would hear it.

"God damn it, you got me." she admitted defeat.

"Oh its alright, fair hellhound. There is no shame in being defeated by Dan!" Dan said smugly as he ate some of his remaining fries.

"Well, I for one, loved it, Dan! You really were meant to for vengeance!" Blitzo said as he finished his burger, licking his fingers afterwords. "And might I add, that burger was great! We should keep Sinful Burgers in mind for more lunch runs, they got me hooked on roadrunner!"

"Totally! And I would love to hear more of Dan's stories, they are so funny." Millie said as she and Moxxie finished lunch, still not drinking the beer Dan bought with lunch.

"Another time, Millie but I think it's time we get back to work." Moxxie said as he thew the trash away.

"What work? We haven't gotten any other calls except Dan's old boss." Loona said as she looked dug into the couch, pulling out a TV remote and turned on the TV in the break room. "We've might've a bit more business since Dan came along but it's still slow. Learn to relax, you little fat ass."

"Hahahahahahaha!" Dan laughed as he looked at the TV with Loona as Moxxie growled at her.

The attention was soon taken off the joke as Loona stopped on channel 666 with Katie Killjoy and Tom Trench talking about I.M.P.

"And in the latest news, the start up assassination business known as the Immediate Murder Professionals or I.M.P. for short, has gotten more business as of late thanks to a strange new employee named "Dan." Katie said as an image of Dan was brought up on screen.

"This little guy may not look like much but from the rumors we've heard, he is killing it in the assassination business. Literally!" Tom said with a slam on the desk. "Reviews of I.M.P. have gone from bad to hell yes since he started helping."

"Well, I wouldn't be surprised, Tom. I did some digging and found out that he was doing this way before he got to hell but he wasn't all the professional in life either." Katie said before they showed a bad picture of Dan when he was human. "When he was alive, he was nothing but an angry, jobless, slob that took his rage out on anything and everyone. And I mean everything and everyone! You name it, folks. Car alarms, birds, dog shelters, dust!"

"Dust?! Hahahaha! You're kidding!" Tom said with a laugh.

"I kid you not, Tom! He had hundreds of lists for revenge! I even have one right here!" Katie said as she pulled out a list and read from it. "Dull pencils, too sharp pencils, babies, tools, the deep blue sea, parking, pudding, butterflies!"

"Pudding!? And Butterflies?! Ahahahahahahaha! This guys sounds more like a nut job than an assassin!" Tom said as he almost fell over from laughing.

"I know! And if this is the best I.M.P. can employ, then I would have a better chance at killing someone myself!" Katie said as she threw the list to the side.

"Whoa now, Katie. We don't needs two "Dans" now!" Tom said as they both started laughing at Dan's expense while others watching couldn't help but laugh at Dan too.

All but one certain boss demon.

"DAN?! WITH I.M.P.?!" she screamed as she stood up from her desk, watching the news cast in shock and anger. "Those damn dirty imps tricked me!"

Meanwhile back at I.M.P., the only person more angry than the boss demon was Dan himself. Watching as the two demons laughed at him, making him so furious that he began smoking.

"Grrrrrr!" Dan growled before he took the remote from Loona and threw it at the TV, breaking it as he stood up.

"HEY!" Loona shouted at him before backing away as he suddenly was covered in flames. "WHOA!"

"Dan?!" Millie shouted as she, Moxxie and Blitzo backed away a bit.

"CHANNEL 666!" Dan screamed to the the ceiling, the flames burning brightly as his newest target for vengeance was decided!


	11. Revenge Before Revenge

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"How dare that vile, soulless, hideous excuse for a woman insult me?!" Dan screamed as he paced back and forth before the group, no longer on fire. "I will make her rue the day she came to hell, I will make sure she knows not to mess with me!"

After his little burning man show, Dan was quickly extinguished by Moxxie and now ranting in anger from the news cast.

"After what they all said about you, I can understand you being angry. I mean, all your quirks aside, you're a good guy." Blitzo said with honesty.

"Even if his revenge list is completely insane." Moxxie whispered to his wife.

"I heard that! You're lucky I do put you on the list!" Dan shouted as he pointed to Moxxie, who jumped at the pointing. "Now, onto the matter of getting back at the fake smiling, news reporting leech!"

"Meow." Mr. Mumbles meowed as Dan turned to her.

"What?" Dan asked.

"Meow." She said again as Dan walked up to her.

"What do you mean "later?" What could be more important right now then getting my revenge?" Dan asked his faithful pet friend.

"Meow." Mr. Mumbles said before she licked her paws, the lingering of the fish sandwich still there.

"A client? When?" Dan asked as Blitzo remembered something.

"Fuck! That's right! We have a client coming in today, she should be here in a few minutes." He said as he checked his watch.

"When was this? I wasn't informed about this!" Dan said as he turned to his boss.

"Looney got the call yesterday after work ended, we tried to call you but you don't a phone yet so we sort of forgot." Blitzo said like it was no big deal. "Sorry, Dan but your revenge is gonna have to wait until after the potential client's revenge is done."

"This is an outrage! My vengeance is far more important right now then whatever this client wants!" Dan argued as he walked up to Blitzo. "Can't you just tell to come back another time?"

"Sorry Dan, but it's bad business to tell a client to reschedule right on the day their appointment was made. They may take their business elsewhere!" Blitzo said as the office doors were opened and the client came in. "Speak of the devil, here she is."

Turning to the doors, everyone saw a demonic woman with violet skin, pointed ears, red eyes with yellow pupils, sharp yellow teeth, goat like horns, and dark purple hooves for feet. She looked about as tall as Blitzo with messy white hair, a black scrunchy scarf-like headband, red earrings, and pink glasses on her face while wearing a dark pink shirt with noticeable stitches, a black torn skirt, and an upside down red teardrop jewel on her chest with yellow on the tip.

"I'm here for my appointment." she said with crossed arms and a sour look on her face. "I'm Ms. Mayberry."

"Right this way, ma'am! Step into my office!" Blitzo said as he directed her to his office while turning to the rest of them. "Hold all calls for future appointments and prepare yourselves, we must provide excellent service!"

"But my vengeance!" Dan whined before the door was shut and he was left to slump and grumble.

"Don't worry, Dan. I'm sure when we're done, we'll help you kill that Katie Killjoy." Millie said with a positive smile, reminding Dan of his most loyal grunt from his time living, Chris.

'Looks like I found a new Chris.' Dan thought as he lighted up a bit and pulled out a notepad.

"Very well but right when we're done, that blonde bimbo will get her's!" Dan said as he began to make a plan to get his vengeance.

As Dan sat on a couch to write his plans for vengeance, the rest of the IMP were doing whatever they could to pass the tome while Blitzo and Ms. Mayberry talked. Loona took a spot next to Dan on the couch as she browsed on her phone, Mr. Mumbles was napping on the receptionist desk, and Moxxie and Millie were having target practice with a crossbow at a family picture. Too bad Moxxie was getting cold feet and hesitating, shaking like a leave as he aimed for the picture.

"Moxxie, calm down or you'll shoot Dan or Loona." Millie said as she gestured to them, with Loona holding the picture.

"Huh? What's going on?" Dan asked as he wasn't paying attention until he saw Moxxie holding a crossbow.

"Moxxie's being a pussy cuz he can't shoot this family photo." Loona said, not looking up from her phone.

"Seriously? What's the problem?" Dan asked as he put his notepad away.

"It's a family! What reason would we have to kill an innocent looking family?" Moxxie asked as Dan looked at the picture before turning back to Moxxie.

"You put too much faith in humanity by appearance. One time after being saved after being trapped in a cabin during an avalanche, my friend Chris showed up with a normal, if not perfect, looking family only to find out they were a deranged family of cannibals that tried to eat him after they were caught by the mountain patrol!" Dan said as Loona, Moxxie, and Millie looked at him in shock. "I kidd you not, their son with braces tried to bite off Chris' finger before they were taken away. He pulled back just in time."

"Surprising but very excellent point, Dan! Human can hide any sort of crazy nasty inside, it why so many of them end up here!" Millie said as she walked around her husband.

"Well, yes but that could be rare and-" Moxxie tried to say before Millie grabbed his face and made him face her.

"It is not our business to know whose guilty or innocent, Mox. We just kill em, plain and simple. Now shoot the target, honey." Millie said before giving him a kiss and letting him go.

"I guess think that maybe we should-" Moxxie said before Dan marched up and snatched the crossbow from him. "Hey!"

"If you don't the stomach to shoot a crossbow at a family, then why did you even get into the assassination business?" Dan asked before aiming at the picture and firing, getting the father right in the head as the arrow imbedded in the wall behind Loona.

"Headshot, nice." Loona said as she looked at the picture.

"Thank you." Dan said before looking to Moxxie, putting the crossbow on his shoulder. "See? That wasn't so hard."

"For you, maybe since you don't have a conscious." Moxxie mumbled before Blitzo kicked his office door open.

"GUY'S, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WE ARE IN BUSINESS!" He said before gesturing to Ms. Mayberry. "We will be taking on the case of our newest client immediately! Looney, clear the schedule for the next two hours! Everyone else, prepare and get ready! We've got someone to kill!"

After seeing Ms. Mayberry off and getting any weapons ready, IMP assembled in the lobby again as Loona held the book to take them to Earth.

"Alright, people, let's go lick some ass!" Blitzo said as he punched his hand.

"The expression is actually "kick some ass," Blitz." Millie said as the portal opened.

"I prefer mine, it's better." he said as they all walked through the portal, coming up to some bushes overseeing the house of their target.

It was a cozy, small red house by a lake as the sun sets, giving the perfect romantic mood if you were a couple visiting the lake.

"Hmm, quant." Dan commented as they approached the house, ducking under the window as he and Blitzo peered into the house.

Inside of the house was a family of 3 at the dinner table with unique décor of axes, family pictures, and...human remains fashioned into picture frames, mounted mementos, or household appliances.

'Oh god! They're Satanists!' Dan thought in shock as a fourth member came from the kitchen with a covered tray, she had light skin, bright pink lipstick, brown eyes, purple eye shadow, and a mole under right eye with big, poofy blonde hair while wearing blue skinny jeans, red bracelets, and a skin tight cream colored shirt with red polka dots that shows off her bust, red high heels, and big, circular blue earrings. She also has a bandage on her forehead.

Sitting at the head was a muscular man with light brown hair and eyebrows with a white strand in the back of his hair, closed eyes, and a gold tooth while wearing a plaid red shirt with blue jeans; on the left side of the table were two, a boy and girl, with red hair. The girl had same skin tone as the mother, red eyes, a blue shirt with puffed shelves and a dark red and pink plaid skirt while her hair was in pigtails. The boy had the same skin tone as the father with black eyes, wearing a white shirt and brown shorts with a muskrat hat on his head. Their was also an earn of ash in a wheelchair on the left side.

"Alright guys, I have the target." Blitzo informed them as he looked over the group. "Who wants to take this? Moxxie, you want this one?"

"Me? Really?" he asked as he peered into the house, seeing the seemingly happy family and feeling bad they were about to kill one of them.

"Yeah, it's fine. It's a simple task of shooting a mother that just got out of the hospital." Blitzo said as he pulled out a sniper rifle.

"Correction, a Satanist mother that just got out of the hospital." Dan said as everyone turned to him.

"Satanist?" Millie asked him.

"Have you guys never heard of Satanists? They're a religious cult that worships Lucifer and commits sins in his name, did you guys just think all humans worshiped God?" Dan asked them with a raised eyebrow.

"I did but not anymore. I guess you were right about humans, Dan." Moxxie said as his worries vanished, not feeling so bad after learning the family were Satanists. "But how did you figure it out so quickly?"

"Easy, I took a look at their décor while Blitz focused on the target. Let me show you." Dan whispered as Blitzo put the gun down and they all peered into the home again, seeing the wife sitting at the table and eating with her family. "Look past the big husband, in the den and mounted to the wall is a human head with guns at the sides and below."

"Holy shit, you're right." Blitzo said in surprise as the human head had a look of horror.

"Next, notice the walls have sharp axes hanging and two picture frames made of human bones." Dan whispered as Millie "woahed."

"Wow. Nice axes though." she said as Moxxie shivered at the bone frames.

"The next thing is the lamp in the corner, it's made of a human spine and pelvis with the lamp shade appearing to be sewed together flesh." Dan whispered as Moxxie held his mouth, feeling vomit come up.

"These people are monsters." he hushed as he felt himself getting sicker by the second.

"One last that, the salad. It has eye balls in it, so they're cannibals too." Dan whispered as he pointed to the salad at the end of the table, with two eyeballs looking at them. "Need I go on?"

"Nope, nope. No more. You've said enough." Moxxie said as he moved down, holding his stomach at how sick humans can be, even sicker than he thought they were! Even the children! "Let's kill the target wife and go home."

"And just to add, I will be burning this house down. My moral compass is skewed greatly but I draw the line at cannibalism." Dan said as he snapped his fingers, making a small flame like a lighter. "Let's do this."

"You read my mind, guys." Blitzo said as he picked up the sniper rifle and aimed in the house, right at the mother. "I got you bitch."

With one pull of the trigger, Blitzo shot through the window and killed the blonde woman in a single head shot, making the family gasp in horror as she fell face first on the table

"Boom! Let's hit the road!" Blitzo said as they ran away from the house.

As they ran, Dan picked up several rocks and covered them in flames before turning back to the house.

"I'll see you in hell!" He shouted before throwing the rocks, hitting different parts of the house as it caught fire and burned the satanic family alive.

Running back to the group, Dan saw that Blitzo was talking with Loona on the phone to get the portal open. A few moments later, the portal to IMP was open and everyone returned to the office with Loona and Mr. Mumbles waiting.

"So, that was quick. How it go?" Loona asked.

"It was good and educational about how humans really are disgusting inside. Thanks to Dan." Millie said with a smile as Moxxie nodded in agreement, feeling a bit bad for the kids burning alive.

"And this calls for a celebration! For our quickest job ever!" Blitzo said as he brought out his phone to call Ms. Mayberry back to celebrate. "Millie, get us a cake! Moxxie, bust out the plates and silverware! Dan, get us some punch from the convenience store down the street! Loona, go with Dan to get some party hats! Break!"

Going off for their designated tasks, everything was prepared as Ms. Mayberry came back and celebrated with them to victory angel food cake and punch.

'Today, a Satanist, cannibalistic family. Tomorrow, Katie Killjoy!' Dan thought with a corner slice of cake and Mr. Mumbles licking some frosting from a piece of her own.


End file.
